My top pick for tips on how to catch cheating is this book by Sarah Paul

Archive for September, 2008

Married Women Who Cheat - Why Do They Do It?

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

Society seems to be more accepting of the fact that husbands cheat on their wives, but there are married women who cheat on their husbands and the numbers are rising. When you hear of a woman who has been caught cheating you may be really surprised because she doesn’t fit the stereotype of what you perceive to the characteristic type of cheating wife. Some women do not take the vows of marriage as seriously as others and are known for their extramarital affairs, even though the husbands may be the last ones to find out.

There are many reasons why married women cheat on their husbands. Some of them say they are lonely and feel neglected. Others just like the thrill of knowing that they are still attractive to other men. For some it is a matter of revenge against a cheating husband and still others are just looking for something different.

A married woman who is unhappy with her role as housewife may turn to cheating to add more excitement to her life. Cheating does not necessarily refer to having an affair with another man, but also refers to one-night stands in which the woman never does see the other person again. When the wife stays home, there are many opportunities to cheat and not get caught. She can go out in the afternoons, meet with her lover and still be home in time to have dinner on the table. If the husband does not recognize any signs of unusual behavior, he will be none the wiser about the activity.

The fact is that a married woman does not just wake up one morning and decide to cheat on her husband. There are many little incidences that lead up to this, which could include dissatisfaction with her love life, feeling that she is not appreciated or simply flirting with someone. Women who work outside the home are in constant contact with men who find them attractive and will come on to them. This does help to improve one’s self-image and then leads to wondering what it would be like to sleep with this person just once. Once may be all it takes to lead to an affair.

The reasons why a married woman would risk her marriage by cheating are virtually endless and no two women will be able to give you the same reasons. Some of the more common reasons include:

* Lack of passion in the love life
* A nonexistent sex life
* A feeling of not being wanted or loved by the husband
* Spending a lot of time home alone
* A lack of quality time together
* An inattentive husband
* A lost emotional bond with the husband

Whatever the reasons may be, the fact remains that there are many women out there who are not satisfied with the man they married and look for more adventure and love in their lives. Quite often when they do cheat and their marriage suffers as a result, they realize too late what they have lost.

The Difficulty of Finding Accurate Adultery Statistics

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

First let’s take a look at the adultery statistics as reported by Associated Press. According to this source, the statistics are as follows:

* 22% of married men have had an affair or a one-night stand
* 14% of married women have had an affair
* 70% of married women did not know there husbands were unfaithful
* 54% of married men did not know there wives were unfaithful
* 17% of divorces in the US are the result of adultery

No one really knows for sure if these statistics are accurate because of the secrecy that surrounds infidelity in a marriage. A husband or wife that was surveyed and who had committed adultery is not likely to admit the fact if their partner is still not aware that there was an affair. Experts will tell you that your gut instinct that something is wrong is your first indication that your partner is cheating. A man or woman who is really adept at covering tracks and of keeping secrets may never show any signs of infidelity. Therefore, their partner never has any suspicions.

According to Eagle’s Nest Publications, men are the largest numbers of cheaters at 60-70%, while women fall into the 30-40% range. While adultery is often the reason a married couple decides to separate, it is probably not the reason used in court for the divorce because of the amount of evidence needed to prove the infidelity.

Adultery is considered immoral as it breaks the seventh commandment, even though there are numerous accounts of adultery in the Bible. In most countries it is considered breaking the moral law and not the criminal law. In some countries of the world adultery is a crime punishable by death. In some of the US states, it is also a crime, such as in Utah where a person convicted of adultery can be sentenced to three years in jail and in Alabama where such a conviction carries a $100 fine and this person is not allowed to hold public office. This is why many divorces in this state do not cite adultery as the reasons for the break up of the marriage and therefore do not become part of the statistics.

So when we see statistics about the increase or decrease in the rate of occurrences of adultery, you have to look at the location described in this statistics. Look at the laws of the country regarding adultery and then consider whether or not these numbers are actually a true reflection of the actual state of affairs. To really understand the statistics for a country, such as the US, one would need to have the numbers broken down by states and even subdivided to include the Armed Forces. One could also look at these statistics to find those committing adultery in jobs that involve a lot of travel.

So what do these statistics actually tell us? The answer is nothing really because they are not a true reflection of the real situation.

The Infidelity Warning Signs a Spouse Should Be Aware Of

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

When a spouse has a gut feeling that his/her partner is being unfaithful, there is usually something to back up this intuition. Once you do get this feeling, start looking for infidelity warning signs that will help you deny or confirm your suspicions. Delve further into the action that first aroused your suspicion and you will see there are other signs that you probably missed because this is something you didn’t expect to happen to your relationship.

Inattentiveness to a partner is one of the first signs of infidelity. When you start to feel as if your spouse is not paying as much attention to you now as he/she once did, start thinking about how long this has been going on. This is usually not something that starts suddenly but rather then attention gradually decreases. The length of time it has been occurring will give you a hint as to how long the affair has been going on. Try cuddling up with your spouse or holding hands just to see what the reaction will be. If it is one of disbelief or if the partner does show you some affection and then breaks it off, you should take this as a sign that there is someone else. You can have a conversation about what is happening and gauge the reaction you receive.

Absence from family functions, not wanting to accept the invitations of friends or not wanting to have friends over are also warning signs of unfaithfulness. This shows you that your partner has moved on to other friends and activities to which you are not privy. A sudden excuse, that really doesn’t make sense, for not being able to be home for a certain occasion may mean that your partner is spending this time with a lover.

When you engage your spouse in a casual conversation about extramarital affairs, watch the reaction. An unfaithful spouse will often become very defensive and want to know why you are bringing up this topic. Your spouse may also look very uncomfortable talking about this topic and try to change the subject right away.

When your spouse invents excuses to be away from the home, you should take this as a warning sign. This can include an extraordinary amount of travel associated with a job where previously there was only a small amount of travel involved. Hours and hours of overtime that don’t translate into extra pay is also a warning sign that you should be aware of.

While it is devastating to discover that you spouse has been cheating on you, it is best to find out about it earlier rather than later. When you discover it early, you have a chance of saving your relationship, whereas if it has been going on for a long time, your spouse may decide to move out and sever your relationship all together. What you do need to so is to have open and frank discussions about your feelings for one another and if necessary, go to a marriage counselor to help you make the right decisions.

How to Spot the Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Cheating

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

If you have a suspicion that your boyfriend is cheating because of the changes you feel in your relationship, you are probably right. Trust your woman’s intuition because your gut instinct is almost always right. Before you do anything rash, like confront him about it or call a private detective to have him followed, look for the signs that your boyfriend is cheating.

These signs include some of the following:

* A lowered desire to make love when you are in the mood
* A sudden desire to try new positions, which is something he never wanted
* A tendency to work later hours than usual
* Receiving mysterious phone calls that he takes in another room or passes off as a wrong number
* Won’t allow you to use his cell phone
* Gets mad if you check to see who is calling when his pager goes off
* You get the scent of a different perfume off his clothing
* He takes a shower as soon as he gets home, which is something that he never did before
* You find a phone number in his pocket
* He makes sudden changes to his normal routine
* He starts accusing you of cheating on him

Just one of these things does not amount to cheating. Your boyfriend may change his routine or start taking more care with his appearance to please you. This is also true of trying to lose weight or starting to work out at the gym. What you do need to look for is a combination of these signs.

Start a casual conversation about someone you know who has just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her. His reaction will tell you something of your relationship. If he seems uncomfortable talking about this topic and wants to change the subject and you have a gut feeling that he is cheating, you may be right in your suspicions. He may become really irritated with you when you persist in keeping the conversation going.

You should not confront him and accuse him of cheating without the evidence to back it up. This will do just as much harm to your relationship as the actual cheating does. You could ask about certain things you have noticed just to see what his explanations are. They may be legitimate and when he realizes your fears about your relationship, he may become very apologetic and resolve to do better in the future.

If you don’t have the evidence to support your accusations, you will not get the answers you want - which is the truth. He will be able to make up excuses just to keep stringing you along. At the same time, if he wants out of the relationship, he may admit to cheating right away.

Short of following your boyfriend around to see where he is going, you do need to be able to recognize the signs and then decide how you want to handle the situation.