My top pick for tips on how to catch cheating is this book by Sarah Paul

Archive for December, 2008

Divorce - Adultery May Be The Cause

Sunday, December 28th, 2008

When you file for a divorce, adultery does make it easier for the whole process to go through. When you cite adultery as your reasons for filing a divorce, you do need to have proof, especially if your spouse is contesting the divorce. The impact of discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is devastating and the betrayed spouse feels that he/she will nerve get beyond it to make the marriage work. There are different laws concerning divorce depending on where you live.

In England, adultery can only be used as grounds for a divorce if there is irrefutable evidence that it has actually taken place. In the British court system, adultery is defined as “having sexual relations with a person of the opposite sex outside of the marriage”. This means that a man or women caught in a sexual situation with someone of the same sex cannot claim adultery. This situation would involve using the grounds of “unreasonable behavior” and amazingly enough, this is enough to grant an instant divorce.

In the United States, the law regarding adultery and divorce depends on the individual state laws. In California, you can have a no fault divorce without citing adultery. Instead, the grounds would be irreconcilable differences that have caused the marriage to break apart. You do not have to present any proof of adultery or unfaithfulness. In terms of family law in this state, there are other grounds that can come into play because of the affair. If the spouse that committed adultery used money that would otherwise be used by the family, misappropriation of funds could be cited.

There are twelve of the states that do have this no fault clause for getting a divorce. In eight states, there is a waiting period for this type of divorce in which the couple must be legally separated for a period of time and show that they have taken steps to mend the breach, but to no avail. In Utah, there is a five year waiting period for a no fault divorce. In states where adultery is considered to be a crime and carries a jail term, it is rare to cite adultery as the grounds for the divorce.

If you find that you cannot get past the infidelity and the only way out for both of you is through a divorce, you can avail of divorce counseling. This is not marriage counseling as it doesn’t make any effort to help you get back together. Rather it is a way of making the divorce a friendlier one, which is essential if there are children involved. Through the counseling you can get the help and support you need to get you through trying times. It will help you deal with emotional issues you have. This is also an opportunity to help you through the negotiation process of dissolving the family assets and deciding who gets what in the settlement. Whether you are filing for a divorce or just thinking about it, this counseling can be beneficial to everyone.

Get Extramarital Affair Advice to Help You Make a Decision

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

Is your home life getting you down and you are thinking of having an extramarital affair? Do you notice your buddies having affairs and want to be like them? Before you jump in blindly, it is important to know what you are getting into with extramarital affair advice. First of all think about what you do have in your marriage and how you feel about it. This will help you determine your reasons for having an affair. Some of the common reasons cited for extramarital affairs are:

* To try something new
* Attracted to someone else
* The thrill of the chase
* Boredom
* Loneliness
* Have emotional needs that are not being met in the marriage
* Want to prove that one is still attractive to the opposite sex
* Wanting attention

No one is immune from having an extramarital affair. Sometimes they just happen and you are surprised yourself that you are one of the people you previously condemned for this activity. There is no one class of people that have affairs. They happen in all walks of life and in every town and city.

If you have decided that your needs are not being met in your marriage that you would like to have an affair with someone, first you have to find that someone. This means you will constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to arise and that you will flirt with a person that appeals to you to see if it can lead to anything. The amazing thing is that when you start looking you will realize that there is potential in just about every place you look - in the office, at the gym, even in the park.

You do have to realize the repercussions that could result if your affair is discovered and think about whether or not you are willing to risk this. Trying to keep the affair a secret is very stressful because you have to be constantly on your toes not to leave any evidence lying around or not to let anything slip in casual conversation. If its adventure you crave, then you probably won’t mind this, as it will add the excitement to your life that you have been looking for.

Are you prepared for the fact that you may fall madly in love with this person and end up getting a divorce from your spouse? If you have children, this is something that you should seriously consider because you will not only hurt your spouse, but you will hurt your children as well. Are you prepared for the financial ramifications that could result from the affair? If you are not financially able to support two families, then maybe you should reconsider the affair and take steps to make your marriage work. Extramarital affairs sometimes just start out as s fling with no strings attached and then develop into a serious relationship that you are having difficulty managing. Think twice and be sure.

Forgiving Infidelity - Is It Really Possible To Forgive?

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful to you is a traumatic experience and one from which you think your will never recover emotionally. However, forgiving infidelity is a necessary part of the healing process in order to rebuild your relationship and become the loving couple that you once were. There is no doubt that you will be angry at first and probably say some things that you will later regret. This is because the person you trusted most in your life has mishandled that trust and thrown it back in your face.

When you find out about the infidelity and confront your spouse with it, the best thing to do is put some distance between you after the confrontation. This will give both of you time to cool down so you can talk things over rationally. This calm talk is essential for you to understand why the affair happened in the first place and how you plan to proceed with your relationship. During your fight, and there is a good chance there was a fight, your partner may have expressed sorrow at having the affair.

This is the start and it is important that he/she apologize for having strayed and hurt you. Once the apology is out in the open you can start down the road to forgiveness, even though it will be a rocky one at first. Then you have to see if there is a renewed commitment on both your parts to get past this and move on. Your spouse has to agree to stop the affair immediately by severing all ties with the lover. This may be harder for you to believer or accept if the other person was a coworker with whom your spouse will still have contact. You will need assurances that all future contact will be for business only.

The manner in which you discovered the affair will have an affect on the forgiveness process. If you caught your spouse in the act, it will be harder to forgive than if he/she came clean and admitted it to you when you were alone. If you had a feeling that the affair had been going on and your spouse was sneaking around while you collected the evidence to confront him/her with, will also affect how readily you can forgive the infidelity. You also have to look into the apology to determine if your spouse is sorry for having had the affair or if the apology is for getting caught.

Think about how you feel about your spouse now. Are you still in love? If so, then there is a great chance you will be able to forgive the unfaithfulness. However, if you have doubts about your feelings, then it may be harder to forgive and get over the hurt you feel. Your love isn’t enough though. You have to find out if your spouse is still in love with you and does want to make an effort to make things better. If your spouse is angry with you for having discovered the affair, then maybe your relationship is over.

Surviving an Affair and Letting the Healing Begin

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

When you discover that your partner has had an affair, you will be hurt and angry. However, after you have a frank and open discussion about the reasons for the affair, you can start rebuilding the relationship. Surviving an affair is possible, but for a while there will be feelings of mistrust. However, it is hard work for both of you to get back to where you once were, especially if there were words spoken in anger that you now wish you could take back.

In order to get past the affair, the cheating partner has to promise to end the affair and promise not to stray again. The healing cannot really begin until he/she severs all contact with the other man or woman. This helps to give the one who was betrayed a sense of safety and a feeling that things are going to be all right. The cheating partner has to agree to stop all conversations and if the other person was a coworker, all communication must be kept on business terms. There should be no more secrets between you and this means you should openly discuss the events of your day when you return home after work or a night out with your friends.

Marriage experts will tell you that the best way to start being more open with each other is to answer all questions honestly no matter what the answers may be. When partners are honest with each other, they each feel that the other is committed to the relationship and will take the steps necessary to heal the breach caused by the affair. You do have to talk about the affair, even though it is painful, to get everything out in the open. If you don’t talk about it, there will still be feelings of mistrust and unanswered questions that will never go away.

Each partner has to be sympathetic to the other, even the betrayed partner. The cheater expresses sorrow at having hurt the partner and says that he/she didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and really mean the words. The betrayed partner should also try to understand the reasons why the affair happened in the first place and sympathize with the reasons and the fact that the husband did fall into this situation. Talking and listening to one another is paramount in surviving the infidelity of a partner and saving the relationship.

Blame should not be a part of the healing process. The cheating partner should not blame the affair on the other partner because of something he/she said or did or did not do. This will hamper the survival and may even cause damage to the relationship, which is already fragile. Showing sincere regret and apologizing for having cheated is the best way to get started and letting the healing begin. However, it is important not to expect forgiveness immediately as the cheating partner now has to prove he/she is sorry and is taking steps to bring everything back to normal.