It is a traumatic experience to find out that one’s partner has been unfaithful and the experience leaves you shaken and mistrustful of everyone. However, there are support groups that specialize in surviving infidelity that will help you work through the process. It is also helpful to have good friends around you at this time. Many of them have probably gone through the same thing, even though you think that you are the only one that has ever been cheated on and feel devastated.When you want to get past the fact that your partner was unfaithful and move on, first the two of you need to have a heart-to-heart talk and get everything out in the open. You really have to discuss your feelings for one another and decide if you do want to save the relationship and start over or if you think there is nothing left to save and you both should go your separate ways. This is not a decision you should enter into lightly. Many couples do have a period of separation as they sort out their lives and go to a marriage counselor who will help them with problems in the relationship.

The best healing and way to survive the experience is to talk about it. The best resource is a person who knows what you are going through and can therefore offer sympathy and advice. If you do not have such a person with whom you can bare your soul, there are chat groups online where you can meet people just like yourself who are looking for ways to heal a broken heart.

In order for a relationship to survive infidelity, both partners must be committed to making it work. The discovery that one partner has had an affair is often the darkest moment and things can only get better when you start to reach out to each other and mend. The partner that was unfaithful must be willing to end the affair and to conscientiously pledge never to stay again. Both partners have to figure out the circumstances that led to the infidelity and take steps to improve the relationship by making sure that these circumstances do not repeat themselves in the future.

No two people can survive an unfaithful partner in the same way, but the healing process does occur in stages. First of all you will feel hurt and angry to the point that you may say things you will later regret. You do have to take a step back and look at your relationship from a different perspective to see where you can work to make improvements or if you did do anything wrong. In the early days after the discovery, you may not want to speak to or even see your partner because of the feelings of mistrust that you have. After a while as you start to mend your friendship, you can start to take things slowly and develop the love and friendship you once had.

When you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, there are ways you can go about finding out if this is true without engaging the services of a private investigator. You do have to be careful not to arouse the suspicions of the cheating spouse because this will only make him/her more careful or even angry if it is not the case. You may feel a bit guilty about taking devious steps to spy on your spouse, but it is necessary to alleviate your suspicions.

First of all, you should be aware of the callers to your home phone. If you notice that the list is always empty where it was once your job to check the calls and erase the numbers, this is something that will arouse your suspicions. If your spouse has a cell phone, you can devise a situation where you can check the callers on this phone and take note of any number that seems to be calling a lot or that your spouse has been calling. Using a reverse phone look up, you can find the name of this caller and the address. This is easy to do with a landline and there are free online services that will help you learn who the caller is. With cell phones, it is harder to get this information through a free service, but the cost involved is not very high. This is something you can do from home without anyone knowing anything about it.

You can also record your spouse’s side of the conversation when on the cell phone in the car. There are digital recording devices that you can easily install under the dash, under the seat or even in the trunk, as long as the microphone is in the car itself. Your spouse will never know it is there. It does not beep or have a signal light and will only come on when activated by a noise, such as a voice or the ring of a cell phone. Although you may not learn the full name of the person with whom your spouse is having an affair, you will hear enough of the conversations to confirm your suspicions. You do have to be careful if this is the step you take because you may hear unflattering comments about yourself.

Another step you can take is to follow your spouse and see where he/she is going. For example, if there seem to be a lot of evening meetings all of a sudden, you can discretely follow to see if the meeting is actually at the office or at a restaurant or even a hotel. When your spouse says that he/she has a dinner meeting, you can casually ask the name of the restaurant. If there is hesitation or questions about why you want to know that, you can assume that there is something else besides a business meeting occurring. If you do learn the name of the restaurant, you can drive by to see if your spouse’s vehicle is in the parking lot or even sneakily check in the restaurant, itself, to see whom he/she is dining with. This last action is very risky though, as you run the chance of getting caught spying.

After a while you will notice subtle and not so subtle differences in the behavior of your husband or boyfriend. Before you jump to conclusions and start hurling accusations at him, calm down and start looking for signs that he is cheating. He may be very careful and be able to cover up and offer plausible explanations and alibis, but sooner or later he will slip up. You do have to become really observant of the little things that you would never have noticed before your suspicions were aroused. Apart from the obvious signs of lipstick on the collar, the scent of a different perfume on the clothing, some of the top signs include:

1. Your man starts spending less and less time at home and does not seem to have the same interest in the two of you doing things together. It will seem as if every time you suggest an outing, such as going to a movie or out to dinner, he has an excuse of why he cannot go at this time. He may start working longer hours but you notice that his pay hasn’t increased with all the overtime. There may be more evening meetings than usual and always at expensive restaurants.

2. You notice a significant decrease in your sexual lives or maybe it has become nonexistent. This is the prefect opportunity to ask what is happening because the reasons may be medical. If he comes up with excuses of being tired and not in the mood all the time, then you can take it as a warning sign that there is another woman in his life.

3. He starts taking a more active interest in his appearance, buying new clothes, working out and changing his hair color. This is especially significant if he doesn’t discuss any of the changes he is making in his life with you.

4. If you have to adjust the passenger seat of the car on a regular basis to suit your needs, you should ask who has been sitting in that seat. It could mean that the woman he is seeing is taller or shorter than you, which explains the change of position.

5. Guilt often comes into play when a man is cheating on his partner. He starts bringing home little gifts or sending flowers, which is really out of character.

6. Charges appearing on the bank statement or credit card statement for purchases, hotel accommodations or dinners in restaurants that you don’t know anything about are also signs that you can’t ignore. Not only are you paying for his dalliances with someone else, but it shows that he is really trying to let you know that there is someone else in his life.

7. A cheating man will get very defensive when you question him about his whereabouts and often will become angry. If he doesn’t have anything to hide, it won’t be a big deal when you ask him about it. Just be careful not to do in an accusatory tone to set off his alarm bells.

If you suspect that your husband is cheating on you, it is best to find out before it progresses too far so you can save your marriage. This is why it is important for you to be able to recognize the signs of a cheating husband. It is also important to realize that just one of the signs does not mean that your husband is cheating on you, but rather you should look for a combination of signs to help make your decision of whether or not to confront him.

In the process of determining whether or not your husband is being unfaithful, you will take on the persona of a private investigator of sorts. Of course, this is one option, if you want to spend the money involved in hiring such a person, but you may find out that there is nothing to your suspicions. It is best to wait until you have sufficient evidence to make you certain that he is having an affair.

There are certain signs that are obvious, such as finding receipts for hotels in his pocket or wallet or finding condoms, when you cannot get pregnant. More subtle signs that he could explain away include finding lipstick on his shirt collar, the scent of perfume on his clothing or even late nights at work. If your husband is spending more time than usual away from home without just cause, then you can start looking for more evidence to confirm your suspicions.

Many husbands who are cheating on their wives use overtime at work or evening meetings as excuses to stay away from home. You can start by checking this out by calling him at work or by driving by his office to see if his car is in the usual parking space. Ask about the places where he has these evening meetings and who is present, but present in a normal conversation so as not to arouse his suspicion and make him more careful. If his reaction is defensive, then you know that there is something going on with another woman.

The bank statements and credit card statements are another way in which you can check up on your husband’s activities. Usually men who have another women do take them to hotels and buy them gifts. When you notice items that you are not familiar with, you can easily check them out with the bank by requesting a copy of the receipt or even calling the hotel. Gifts that have been bought but not received by you offer evidence that you can question by asking where they are and gauging the response you receive.

A man who suddenly starts keeping his telephone conversations private or has his phone turned off when he is with you is displaying secretive behavior. You can ask to borrow his cell phone on some excuse and check the number he has been calling or who has been calling him. At least this will give you a name to start with and you can do a little further investigating to find an address.

Even though you buy your wife gifts, does she seem to have more gifts than usual and not from you? This is a warning sign that there is someone else in her life, even if she says that she bought them herself or just picked them up because they were on sale. This is really something that should send up a red flag if she starts to wear a new piece of jewelry over one you gave here and that she claimed was her favorite.

A wife that seems to be distant and keeping secrets when once she used to share everything with could be cheating on your. Simple little things you do make her angry very easily and she doesn’t seem to be comfortable when you are around. Other indications that your wife is being unfaithful include many hours of overtime that doesn’t translate into pay at the end of the week. She may be claiming that she has all this overtime, but when there is no extra pay attached, then it is time for you to find out exactly what she is doing during those hours.

Another sign that your wife is cheating on you can happen when one of her coworkers asks how she is feeling seeing she was home from work and not feeling well. However, both of you left the house at the same time that morning and when you called home there was no answer. You should discretely ask if she had to go home sick or if she didn’t come in at all. You can confront her with this to find out what explanation she gives for taking the day off. It will arouse your suspicions and you may take some time off yourself just to check up on her.

Let’s look at the reasons of these affairs and there are many. Sometimes, the other spouse is at fault for not providing an adequate level of support, love or intimacy. Again, a spouse who does not show any decrease in the attention paid at home or the level of intimacy is quite good at playing both sides of the coin and may never get caught.

For some men, one woman is not enough. They like to collect women and have affairs the same way other people like to collect trophies. They have affairs and break them off, only to start another because it gives them a feeling of prowess. There are also women who like to add men’s names to their list of who they have slept with and had affairs with. For these, affairs do not mean anything other than another way of having fun.

When spouses are going through difficult times, one or both of them may have an affair as an act of revenge against one another. It may also provide them with the love and the feeling of being needed that they are not receiving at home. It may also be a way of one spouse telling the other that the marriage is over and it is time to move on, but doesn’t want to be the one to move out. In this way, the innocent spouse will become enraged and take steps to dissolve the marriage.

For some married couples, having affairs is a way to add spice to their marriage and their love life and actually approve of each other going out with other people. In fact, two couples are good friends and go out together often and then switch partners. They do not think of themselves as having affairs and like the excitement of keeping this a secret from their other friends or co-workers.

When you find that your partner is having an affair, you need to sit down and talk about h\is/her reasons for doing so. This is essential if the marriage is to continue and succeed. For some, having an affair is their way of letting their partner know that a problem does exist. It may be just a way of one or the other wanting to know that he/she is still attractive to others and that the affair does not really mean anything.

Finding out your spouse is having an affair is a traumatic experience, from which some couples never recover. It does take work to make a marriage succeed and when one of the partners does admit to an affair, it compounds the problems the couple has to resolve.

Changes in her mannerisms when talking on the phone are something you should notice. Where she once would talk on the phone openly when you are there and now goes to another room to take her phone calls is suspicious. If she hangs up right away as soon as you enter the room, especially if this happens on a frequent basis, should send up warning signals that something is going on that she doesn’t want you to know about. The same thing applies if she is chatting on the computer and checking her email and immediately signs off or shuts down the program when you arrive.

Check the numbers on the Caller ID, if there are unknown numbers coming up on your house phone. You can also do the same thing by borrowing her cell phone and checking the list of callers. If you ask to use her phone and she doesn’t want you to use it, then you know that there are numbers there she doesn’t want you to see. By using reverse phone number look up, you can find out the name of the person that has been calling her frequently. Casually mentioning this person’s name to her and noticing her reaction will tell you if this is the person with whom she is cheating.

There is no one sign that will point directly to the fact that your partner is cheating on you aside from the obvious evidence of getting caught red-handed in a compromising position. Rather it is a combination of the signs of infidelity that will arouse your suspicions and make you more aware of any noticeable changes in behavior before you have a confrontation about the issue.What will probably alert you most to the possibility of infidelity is a change in the personality and behavior of your partner. He/She may become more irritated with you over little things that previously went unnoticed. Secretive behavior, such as working a lot of overtime without extra pay showing up on the pay check or spending long periods of time away from home without any reasonable explanations could also be warning signs. The tone of voice when talking to you may have changed or your partner may start mentioning new people in his life that you don’t know.

Paying more attention to one’s physical appearance and making changes in one’s lifestyle are also signs that something new is taking place. Your partner could all of a sudden start dressing more stylishly, wearing more jewelry or even changing hair colors. If this is something completely out of the ordinary, you many want to start paying closer attention to where your partner goes after leaving the house. It may be so much of a change that you may resort to devious tactics such as following and then asking questions about where he/she has been when they return home.

Traveling for work reasons offers many opportunities for men and women to engage in extramarital affairs thinking that their partners will never find out. Be very observant of where your partner goes on these “business trips” and who goes along. The most obvious other woman is the secretary, but it is possible that your partner met someone in a certain location and always takes advantage of opportunities to return there. Why not ask if you can tag along on the next trip and gauge the reaction you get?

The telephone and the car will also give you indications of infidelity. When you notice the same unknown number appearing on your Caller ID or if your partner suddenly wants to talk on the cell phone in private, you may get a hint that there is something secretive in his actions. Try calling back the number and ask whom you are speaking with. You may actually get an answer that you don’t want to hear and find out the truth.

Intimacy may become diminished or non-existant. There often are medial reasons for a reduction in sexual activity, but this shouldn’t interfere with hugging and kissing or just generally holding hands or displaying signs of affection. Perhaps you have always been used to holding hands when you go for a walk and now your partner not only won’t hold your hand in public, but claims not to like those strolls in the park any more.

When you notice any of these signs, it is time to do a little further investigation of your own. Then sit down and talk things out with your partner to find out the underlying causes of the infidelity.