“Why?” is the first question asked when a person discovers that his/her partner has been unfaithful. To start dealing with infidelity and getting past it, you do have to understand the reasons for the cheating. This means that the couple has to sit down and talk about the reasons and try to correct anything that went wrong with the relationship. When you receive the answer “I don’t know” or “It just happened. I didn’t plan to have an affair”, it is often harder to deal with than realizing that there are actual problems. How can you fix something if you don’t know what is wrong?

Reasons and excuses are two different things, which is what you have to look for in your discussion. “I don’t know” is an excuse whereas, “I am alone most of the time” is a reason. At the same time “I don’t know” may be the truth because affairs do just happen and are not planned. For most people who do have an affair, though, it means that their needs are not being met in a way acceptable to them. Instead of talking to their partner about this, they try to find others ways of coping and this often results in an affair. The opportunity to have an affair is always around the corner if you look for it.

Men and women deal with infidelity differently. Women usually want to sit and talk things out, while most men want to put it behind them, forget that it happened and go on. This makes it hard for the couple to get over what is a traumatic experience. Sometimes the best way of dealing with it is to seek professional help through marriage counseling. Even so, there will be a lack of trust on the part of the wronged partner who will constantly feel the need to check up on the other to make sure that the affair has ended and that the partner is where he/she said they would be. It will take time to build the relationship back to what it once was.

Sometimes, the discovery of infidelity can be an eye opener to let you know that there are problems that you weren’t aware of. Then if both partners are willing to face up to the problems and take steps to correct the mistakes, then the relationship can be even stronger than before. The one who was unfaithful does have to take responsibility for his/her actions and offer a sincere apology. Without this apology, healing will not take place.

It may take years to rebuild the trust in a partner who had an affair. This will take work on both your parts to ensure that you do have a healthy relationship where all needs are being met. You do have to be open with each other and be willing to answer questions. Then and only then can you start to deal with the infidelity. If either partner is unable to get past the affair, then it is probably best to end the relationship.