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Extramarital Relationships Damage More Than Just The Marriage

8:29 pm Uncategorized

It is amazing that survey reports tell you that 90% of married couples disapprove of extramarital relationships. Yet at least 60% of men and 40% of women admit to having had such a relationship at some time during their married life. This is just the ones that admit it, which means the numbers are actually much higher. What is it about finding out your spouse is having an affair that causes so much hurt, devastation and pain? When a couple gets married, they make a commitment to be true to one another as long as they both shall live. When one of the partners sleeps with someone else, this is a breach of the marriage contract and therefore it destroys the trust.

Whether it is the husband or the wife that cheats, the other spouse is left with the feeling that the marriage didn’t mean anything. They also have feelings of low self-esteem thinking they are not good enough for the spouse and that they did something to cause the affair. The initial discovery is one of heartbreak when the betrayed spouse feels that nothing will ever be right again and that the marriage is over. No doubt there will be a fight with raised voices and accusations being flung from one to the other.

The betrayed spouse is hurt, but so is the cheating spouse. The feeling of guilt at having hurt someone he/she loves or once loved is great. If the spouse promises to end the affair and start over working to regain the trust of the husband or wife, there is also a sense of loss because the sense of excitement is now gone. He/She also has to face the other person to tell them that the affair is ending and can brace for another bout of raised voices and tears.

If there are children in the marriage, they are also hurt by the extramarital affair even if they do not know what is going on. They know that their parents are fighting and they may have the idea that they are somehow to blame. If the parents decide to get a divorce then they are torn between both parents wanting them to stay together.

Friends of the couple are also torn in wanting to remain friends with both of them, yet they want to show support for the spouse who is their best friend. While they will offer support, they are reluctant to join in condemning the spouse that did cheat for fear that if you do reconcile, then some of the things they say could be used against them and they will lose the friendship of both partners. .

There are more people involved in an affair than you realize so you do have to think about more than just your happiness if you consider the possibility of getting involved with someone else. Rebuilding the marriage after an affair is not something that happens overnight. It will take a time, perhaps years, before the betrayed spouse learns to trust again.

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