How To Forgive Infidelity - Or Should You?
If you are looking for advice on how to forgive infidelity, then you probably have doubts as to whether or not you should forgive your partner for being unfaithful to you. If you knew without a doubt that there is no way you can ever forgive, then you would probably be gone from the relationship. However, you need to reflect on your relationship up to the point when you began to suspect there was another person in your partner’s life.
Think about your partner and what kind of person he/she is. Is this something completely out of character or is it something you have had to deal with in the past. If discovering the affair was something that took you completely by surprise, then you can probably believe your partner when he/she says there was never any intention to have an affair. It just happened and continued. If it is not the first time, though, you should ask yourself if you should forgive only to be hurt again in the future.
When you decide that this was a transgression that your spouse is not likely to repeat you still need answers to certain questions before healing and forgiveness can take place. You need to know how the affair started and developed and most of all you want to know if your partner felt guilty when with this lover. If so, you will likely ask why it continued and didn’t stop sooner. These questions will get to the root of the problem and you will find ways of salvaging your relationship through the needs your partner found that the affair fulfilled. If you can say with certainty that you have always continued to be loving and supportive and didn’t do anything to cause your partner to stray, then it may take you longer to forgive.
So if this is the final straw and you can’t take any more, you have to look at what is at stake if you end the relationship. If you have children, you want to think about how you are going to explain a separation or divorce. If you are not sure how they will react, you and your partner may agree to a temporary separation to allow you both some space and to see how things work out. During this time away from each other, though, you will have more and more suspicions that your spouse is continuing the affair or is involved in anew one.
You have to look at your financial situation. During your years together you have both invested time and money into your home and more than likely you have accumulated debts together. How will you manage to repay the debts and is your spouse’s salary enough to manage alimony and child support as well as provide for living expenses? Maybe you will decide to stay in the relationship and give the appearance of forgiveness just because you can’t really afford to move out. This is a hard decision to make because it means that forgiveness hasn’t really taken place.