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Extramarital Relationships Damage More Than Just The Marriage

April 4th, 2009

It is amazing that survey reports tell you that 90% of married couples disapprove of extramarital relationships. Yet at least 60% of men and 40% of women admit to having had such a relationship at some time during their married life. This is just the ones that admit it, which means the numbers are actually much higher. What is it about finding out your spouse is having an affair that causes so much hurt, devastation and pain? When a couple gets married, they make a commitment to be true to one another as long as they both shall live. When one of the partners sleeps with someone else, this is a breach of the marriage contract and therefore it destroys the trust.

Whether it is the husband or the wife that cheats, the other spouse is left with the feeling that the marriage didn’t mean anything. They also have feelings of low self-esteem thinking they are not good enough for the spouse and that they did something to cause the affair. The initial discovery is one of heartbreak when the betrayed spouse feels that nothing will ever be right again and that the marriage is over. No doubt there will be a fight with raised voices and accusations being flung from one to the other.

The betrayed spouse is hurt, but so is the cheating spouse. The feeling of guilt at having hurt someone he/she loves or once loved is great. If the spouse promises to end the affair and start over working to regain the trust of the husband or wife, there is also a sense of loss because the sense of excitement is now gone. He/She also has to face the other person to tell them that the affair is ending and can brace for another bout of raised voices and tears.

If there are children in the marriage, they are also hurt by the extramarital affair even if they do not know what is going on. They know that their parents are fighting and they may have the idea that they are somehow to blame. If the parents decide to get a divorce then they are torn between both parents wanting them to stay together.

Friends of the couple are also torn in wanting to remain friends with both of them, yet they want to show support for the spouse who is their best friend. While they will offer support, they are reluctant to join in condemning the spouse that did cheat for fear that if you do reconcile, then some of the things they say could be used against them and they will lose the friendship of both partners. .

There are more people involved in an affair than you realize so you do have to think about more than just your happiness if you consider the possibility of getting involved with someone else. Rebuilding the marriage after an affair is not something that happens overnight. It will take a time, perhaps years, before the betrayed spouse learns to trust again.

Wife Infidelity - How To Find Out If She Is Unfaithful

March 27th, 2009

Infidelity is defined as having sexual relations with someone other than your spouse without your spouse’s knowledge. Both men and women are guilty of being unfaithful to their spouses. It is often the husband who is the last to know of his wife’s infidelity. This is often because he doesn’t know the warning signs to look for and is really surprised to discover that his wife has been cheating on him. It hurts the marriage and the relationship and destroys the trust that you have in your wife. However, if your love for each other is strong enough, you can get over it and go one, even though there will be a strain on your relationship for some time.

The reason that infidelity is so damaging to a marriage is that the betrayed spouse starts to wonder if the whole marriage has been a lie and if there have been other affairs that you didn’t find out about. If you are not sure if your wife is actually having an affair and you only have a gut feeling about it, you should not make a confrontation without evidence. If there is no affair, this accusation could be just as damaging to your wife as the affair would be to you. No matter how hard it is on you to live with the fact that your wife is cheating on you, you do have to find out for sure, for your own peace of mind.

Think about how your wife dressed and acted when you first started dating. She was probably very conscientious of her appearance and always dressed up for you. After a few years of your marriage, she doesn’t seem to dress up as much, but now she is starting to act as if she is dating again. She buys new clothes, has her hair done on a regular basis and maybe changes the color and starts going out more. This would be your first sign that your wife has a lover.

Reflect on how your wife acts toward you. Does she seem more distant as if she doesn’t want to be around you anymore? Think about how long this has been going on and you will probably have a time frame to tell you how long the affair has been going on. Maybe her conversations with you have taken a new turn. Where she always talked about certain things, she now has moved to different interests and you are slightly confused as to what she is actually talking about.

Does it seem as if she never has time to go anywhere with you anymore? Where you once made a point of going out to dinner or visit with friends, she no longer wants to engage in these activities claiming that she is too busy or that she has something else to do. Maybe she is working more than usual, but when you call her workplace, she is not available or probably not even there. Once you have the evidence you need, then you have enough to make the initial accusations of infidelity.

A Closer Look At Internet Infidelity

March 20th, 2009

What is Internet infidelity? This is the term that has been coined to describe having an intimate relationship with someone online. It is different from online dating where a single person is looking for someone with whom he/she can establish a relationship. When a married person converses with someone online in the same manner as dating, this is being unfaithful even though there is no sexual activity involved.

Internet relationships are very enticing to those who would never consider having an actual affair. This is because it allows them to communicate with an unknown person in a way that helps them get some of the emotional support they need for an unhappy situation. Quite often the marriage is very happy and one of the partners chats online to someone else simply out of boredom and for fun. According to survey results regarding people who do engage in this type of affair, women just want someone to take with, while men look for a person willing to talk about sex.

The Internet chat lines are addictive. They are also easily accessible and enticing with their colorful graphics and the chance to view pictures of men and women with whom you might want to start an online relationship. It is also easier to hide the infidelity because you are the only one with the user name and password to access your account. You can also chat at home or at the office because no one will be any the wiser. Even if your spouse suspects infidelity, and finds out you are using an online dating service, there is no way that he/she can access your emails unless you give out the information.

You may argue that there is nothing physical attached to chatting to someone online. However, the fact that you act as if you are carrying on an affair and if you have conversations about love making and sex, then you are being unfaithful to your partner. It could be termed emotional cheating, especially if you do discuss your partner with this person and give out details of your intimate relationship. You are being unfaithful because you are taking time away from your marriage and your partner to chat online with a stranger. Therefore your Internet affair is consuming more time than you devote to your spouse.

People do seek out relationships online for the same reasons they engage in actual affairs. They are looking to have needs met that they are missing bout on in their real lives, The Through an Internet affair, they can play out their fantasies and say things that they would never of dream of saying in person, even to their partners.

The best way to deal with an Internet affair is to prevent it from happening. If your computer is set up in an area of the home where everyone has access to it, you will be less likely to start chatting to an unknown person or to talk about sexual topics. Don’t just cruise the Internet to help alleviate your boredom and have a specific search topic of destination in mind when you do surf the net.

How To End An Emotional Affair Once And For All

March 13th, 2009

Whether or not your affair has been discovered, when you want to end it you will likely look for advice about how to end an emotional affair. The affair probably started out accidentally and you never intended it to go this far. This is especially hard to do if the person with whom you are cheating on your partner is someone in your office that you see on a daily basis. The affair may have developed in a sort of permanent situation, so now you feel trapped and caught between a relationship that you want to continue with your spouse and one that gives you a feeling of excitement.

The first thing you have to do to end an emotional affair is to break it off. This may be hurtful for your lover, especially if he/she didn’t know that you were married or in a relationship. This step is important if you don’t want to continue with the betrayal because of your feelings of guilt. You have to tell your lover that your partner is too important to you to continue with the affair and run the risk of breaking up the marriage. If you communicate through email, block the messages from coming through. Don’t answer any calls on your cell phone or home phone.

You do have to take steps at work to distance yourself from your coworker. Make sure that you don’t take lunch together or make sure that there is always someone else with you whenever you have conversations. If you usually hang out with the gang from the office after work for a few drinks, you will have to make changes in your lifestyle and discontinue doing this is if the “other” person is part of this group. Try to limit communication in the office in emails or professional ways. Ending the relationship means that you won’t be able to continue a friendship with this person, as this will send them mixed signals.

The next step in completely ending an emotional affair is to admit the affair to your partner. This is often harder than breaking it off. It is important to admit to the affair before your partner finds out on his/her own. This is a way of saying that you really are sorry and that your relationship is the most important thing in your life. It hurts a lot more when the admission doesn’t come freely from you.

When you end an affair, you will have a feeling of relief that there are no more secrets and that everything is finally out in the open. However, you do have to take responsibility for your actions. No matter what problems you may be having in your marriage, you should never place the blame for the affair on your partner. Your partner is likely feeling that he/she did something wrong or didn’t meet your needs so not taking the blame will only make the situation worse. You also shouldn’t expect things to go back to normal right away. Your partner will need space to get over this and forgive you.