My top pick for tips on how to catch cheating is this book by Sarah Paul

Surviving an Affair and Letting the Healing Begin

When you discover that your partner has had an affair, you will be hurt and angry. However, after you have a frank and open discussion about the reasons for the affair, you can start rebuilding the relationship. Surviving an affair is possible, but for a while there will be feelings of mistrust. However, it is hard work for both of you to get back to where you once were, especially if there were words spoken in anger that you now wish you could take back.

In order to get past the affair, the cheating partner has to promise to end the affair and promise not to stray again. The healing cannot really begin until he/she severs all contact with the other man or woman. This helps to give the one who was betrayed a sense of safety and a feeling that things are going to be all right. The cheating partner has to agree to stop all conversations and if the other person was a coworker, all communication must be kept on business terms. There should be no more secrets between you and this means you should openly discuss the events of your day when you return home after work or a night out with your friends.

Marriage experts will tell you that the best way to start being more open with each other is to answer all questions honestly no matter what the answers may be. When partners are honest with each other, they each feel that the other is committed to the relationship and will take the steps necessary to heal the breach caused by the affair. You do have to talk about the affair, even though it is painful, to get everything out in the open. If you don’t talk about it, there will still be feelings of mistrust and unanswered questions that will never go away.

Each partner has to be sympathetic to the other, even the betrayed partner. The cheater expresses sorrow at having hurt the partner and says that he/she didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and really mean the words. The betrayed partner should also try to understand the reasons why the affair happened in the first place and sympathize with the reasons and the fact that the husband did fall into this situation. Talking and listening to one another is paramount in surviving the infidelity of a partner and saving the relationship.

Blame should not be a part of the healing process. The cheating partner should not blame the affair on the other partner because of something he/she said or did or did not do. This will hamper the survival and may even cause damage to the relationship, which is already fragile. Showing sincere regret and apologizing for having cheated is the best way to get started and letting the healing begin. However, it is important not to expect forgiveness immediately as the cheating partner now has to prove he/she is sorry and is taking steps to bring everything back to normal.